Last Week of NaNoWriMo

Y’all.

It’s the last week of NaNoWriMo and I’ve decided that I’m going to finish on Wednesday. I’m going to enjoy this long Thanksgiving weekend. Because, damn it, I’ve earned it.

On Saturday, I was almost in tears because I was not sure how I was still going to win this thing.

See, it was going fine the first two weeks. I’d missed three days because: life, but I quickly got back on track. I was even writing extra words each day so I could take Thanksgiving Eve and Thanksgiving off. All was right with the world.

Then the third week dawned. Oh Jesus.

Hubby brought home the junkyard dog of colds. Mean, vicious little bugger. Now, my husband barely ever gets sick. If he does, it’s usually something that slows him down for about 24hrs and after that he’s back to normal. This time? He spent two days shivering in the bed. He was better by the third day, but by then the kids and I caught it.

The good news is that it mostly passed by Sunday. The bad news is I didn’t write at all that week. All those extra words didn’t save me. I almost 20 000 words away. And Thanksgiving week was coming up. I hadn’t shopped for Thanksgiving dinner, planned the menu, washed our plague clothes, nothing.

I rationalized. I had a rough month and it was okay if I didn’t ‘win’ NaNo. That I wasn’t any less of a writer if I didn’t finish. That I could still write this novel because outside of November, that’s what other writer’s do. Shoot, Stephen King didn’t have NaNoWriMo when he was writing ‘Carrie’.

And you know what? All those things are true. But not finishing still didn’t sit well with me. Hubby did some calculations and said I could finish if I wrote about 2250 words a day. That was more than doable, with some sacrifices.

The truth though? I was tired. I wanted to be finished. Right now. I had (and still have) things to do. Food to buy and cook. A home to clean. I wanted to enjoy Thanksgiving with my family and not have to worry about getting my daily word count in.

But I didn’t want to quit. Can’t have it both ways.

So I challenged myself. If I started on Sunday, I could write 5000 words a day for 3 days and just under 3000 for the fourth day. Then I would be able to cook (because Hubby offered to do that last minute shopping and help me clean. Seriously. I love this dude.) and relax.

And I’m doing it. The past two days have been super hectic but I’ve written over 10, 000 words. It’s involved some early mornings and very little down time. But I haven’t quit.

Just two more days and I’m done. *does happy dance*

 

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The Resistance

NaNoWriMo starts in less than six hours.

And I’m silently panicking.

The Resistance has set in.

It’s a knot in my gut, an inability to focus and a chill down my spine.

It’s a voice screaming at me constantly. It asks questions that strike too close to the bone.

What if you can’t do it?

What if you write this manuscript and realize you hate it?

What if no one else likes your book?

Why should anyone care about your characters and their stories?

Just who do you think you are?

That last question bothers me the most.

Who do I think I am, to think that I could write books people would want to read? To think that I could become a successful novelist?

You’re being selfish. You’re taking time away from your husband and kids to follow this vanity project.

And this one brings up feelings of guilt and shame. Never mind that my husband has supported me from day one. Never mind that I’m doing this so I can show my children that it’s possible to follow their dreams.

The Resistance is loud and obnoxious. It doesn’t need to make sense. It only needs to be convincing. And it only needs to drown out that still, small voice that keeps whispering ‘You can do it. Just trust. One step at a time.’

I know what’s happening on a intellectual level. But that doesn’t make it any easier.

I’m not going to give up. I will write my first draft in November. And I will make it to 50 000 words. Maybe more.

But I’ll also have to keep fighting The Resistance. It won’t ever go away. If you’ve struggled with depression, you know what I mean.

But fighting The Resistance makes you stronger.

Don’t give up, loves. Never give in. Find that still, small voice and cling to the words it tells you, no matter what.

It won’t be easy. And I don’t think it’s supposed to be.

Until next time.

NaNoWriMo 2014

What have I done?

I signed up for NaNoWriMo 2014 (you can find me here) earlier this week. I’ve done the camp twice, in 2012 and this past summer, but I’ve never won. If I’m being honest, that’s because I never took it seriously.

But this year is different. I have a book that’s burning to get out, so I figured, ‘What the hell?’ and went on ahead and created a new account. Fresh start and all. I took the time and filled out my profile, and I went to the forums and met some cool people. And saw a bunch of ideas for books I can’t wait to read.

All’s well and good. Until I tried to change my word count goal…

Turns out that unlike Camp NaNoWriMo, you can’t set your own word count. 50,000 or bust, baby.

I panicked.

First off, November is probably the busiest month of the year for me. I have my oldest child’s birthday, Thanksgiving (of which I do all the cooking and baking), prepping for my husband’s birthday the following month and, of course, Christmas. And this year, we’ll be visiting family a week before Thanksgiving.

I’m nuts.

See, I thought that I could set a ‘doable’ goal of 15,000 to 20,000 words, which works out to approximately 500-700 words a day. But now, I’m going to be writing about 2000 words a day (I like rounding up).

I must not like what little sanity I have left.

But see, this is a challenge. This is me, putting my money where my mouth is. How badly do I want this? I’ve been talking my husband’s ear off about this book since August, and now it’s time for me to act. If I can make it through this month, with all the busyness and potential stress, I’ll know that I can do it. I’ve already come up with some ideas to help me to successfully completely NaNoWriMo, which I’ll talk about in another post.

But I can do it. Yes, I can. It won’t be easy, but I can honestly say I’m committed to doing it.

That’s all for now, loves. Oh, and please let’s observe a moment of silence for what’s left of my sanity.