I’ve always struggled with depression. Some years are better than others. But when fall/winter rolls around, it gets especially bad.
I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. In a nutshell, that means I get really depressed during the colder months. Probably from the lack of sunlight and activity. I also grew up in a tropical climate, so that probably makes it worse.
This year, it got cold a lot quicker than it usual does. Where I now live, the cold snaps usually come after Thanksgiving, but for most of the month, it’s consistently been 40 degrees and below. So, I’ve started feeling the effects of SAD earlier.
I gave birth less than a year ago, and that, combined with nursing and the residual effects of Post Partum Depression, means my hormones are all over the place. When I down, I get really down and its hard to see a way out of the clouds. It’s the perfect storm of depression.
I have a family and a household to look after, so I try whatever I can to keep the depression at bay. It’s hard. Extremely hard. Some days, it’s a literal struggle to get out of bed. And once I get out of bed, it’s a struggle to resist the urge to climb back in.
How does this relate to writing? Well, for one, doing NaNoWriMo is one of the few things keeping me above water. When I get motivated to push past the depression to write, I get motivated to do other things throughout the day.
I’ve wanted to give up so many times. I still do, actually. The First Draft Blues are alive and well over here. Every day, I have to talk myself out it. I tell myself that yes, I do have something powerful to say with this book, and yes, these characters deserve to have their stories told. But really, the reason I keep writing is because I’m scared of what will happen if I stop. It’s hard to push through, but I’m afraid that if I stop, I’ll fall even deeper into depression because, in my mind, I would have failed.
There wasn’t really much point to this post. I just wanted to put that put there. Thanks for listening, loves.